What characteristics make up a strong leader? And can leaders really show their emotions without appearing weak in the workplace? According to guest Carolyn Stern, author of The Emotionally Strong Leader, when leaders learn to both express and become bigger than their emotions, they set the stage for real transformation, not only in themselves but in their teams and, ultimately, their workplace culture.
GUEST AT A GLANCE
Carolyn Stern is the author of The Emotionally Strong Leader: An Inside-Out Journey to Transformational Leadership and other valuable resources centered on emotional intelligence. She is passionate about seeing students and employees educated about EQ so that they can thrive in all areas of life.
A QUICK GLIMPSE INTO OUR PODCAST
🔊 Podcast: Transform Your Workplace, sponsored by Xenium HR
🎙️ Host: Brandon Laws
📋 In his own words: “The Transform Your Workplace podcast is your go-to source for the latest workplace trends, big ideas, and time-tested methods straight from the mouths of industry experts and respected thought-leaders.”
BREAKING DOWN THE STEREOTYPE
We’re all probably familiar with the stereotype that says that leaders appear strongest when they keep their emotions in check. This assumption is all too common in the workplace, and it served as the impetus for Carolyn’s latest book, The Emotionally Strong Leader: An Inside-Out Journey to Transformational Leadership.
Carolyn explained, “I was sick and tired of leaders telling me that showing emotions should be shameful” — that those who reveal their emotional status are inherently weak. Instead, she wanted to highlight the truth about this stereotype: that emotion and perceived strength in leadership aren’t mutually exclusive. Carolyn added, “it’s really about becoming bigger than your emotions — being in the driver’s seat of your emotions — and that’s really why I wrote this book.”
PODCAST EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
The Iceberg
“What killed the Titanic? It wasn’t the little piece of ice above the water. It was the deeper piece of the iceberg underneath. Well, in the book, I talk a lot about that inner iceberg. Think about it. What you see, Brandon, are my communications, my behaviors, my actions. […] That’s how you experience me as a person. But what you don’t see are my beliefs, my fears, my assumptions, my biases, my emotions, my stressors, my motivators. All of that’s underneath the surface. And so if we are not telling people why we’re making the decisions we’re making, or why we’re acting the way we’re acting, or why we’re communicating what we’re communicating, they’re only getting just the tip of the iceberg.”
The Impact of Our Emotions
“People are not always logical. We have emotions that impact our decisions. They impact our communication. They impact our stress levels. Think about it, during the pandemic, when our stress went up, our empathy went down, right? And so we really need to be mindful that our emotions matter. They impact everything. How you feel at work affects how you perform at work, right? It isn’t rocket science. If you have positive emotions, that’s going to lead to higher performance ratings.”
Paying Attention to the Source
“I can make decisions. I might cry about it occasionally, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not thinking clearly. And really emotional intelligence is being intelligent about our emotions — and so it’s using the mental skills and cognitive strategies to think smarter about why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. Where did that trigger come from? What can I do about it? But if we don’t even pay attention to why we’re feeling what we’re feeling and where it comes from, we’re missing half the equation.”
Asking Questions
“This is the thing. Leaders are always like, ‘Oh, I don’t wanna ask my employees how they’re feeling, ‘cause I don’t wanna find out what’s lurking inside — you know, open Pandora’s Box. It’s not about you solving their emotional problems. First of all, as a leader, you’re not equipped to do that. […] All you have to do as a leader is ask questions — How are you feeling today? How can I support you?”
Starting with You
“I really wanna stress that although the book’s called The Emotionally Strong Leader, it isn’t just for leaders leading people. The reason I called it The Emotionally Strong Leader is how are you leading yourself? How are you leading your emotions in the workplace? How is your emotional makeup helping or hurting your leadership?”
Making a Change
“That’s the issue that organizations are facing — that they’d rather deal with the unproductive behaviors or disrespectful communication than get to the heart of the issue. And so unless you start pausing and taking that moment, you’re gonna deal with misunderstandings, miscommunications, and mishaps in the workplace.”
The Ultimate Impact
“I think we can have more innovation. I think we can have more productivity. I think we can have happier people. I think that, ultimately, If we start talking about what’s going on, we can get to the heart of these issues. We’re gonna have deeper conversations. You and I can be in conflict with each other, but have a healthy level of conflict. Well, guess what? With conflict comes great innovation.”
LEARN MORE
Head over to Carolyn’s website to access free resources such as her Get Unstuck Emotions Poster or her 5 Steps to Greatness ebook. You can also pick up a copy of The Emotionally Strong Leader: An Inside-Out Journey to Transformational Leadership wherever books are sold.