In a time when everyone’s talking—and tweeting and posting and pinging—the ability to truly listen has become a lost art. Yet, as I recently explored with Dr. Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener, authors of Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection, listening isn’t just a communication skill. It’s a leadership superpower. And in many ways, it’s a radical act.
Christian explained, “We’re not just saying that listening is a way to communicate better. Listening is the intervention. The purpose is to build connection.”
What Makes Listening “Radical”?
We’ve all heard about “active listening.” In HR, leadership training, and coaching, it’s a foundational skill: make eye contact, nod, summarize. But as Robert pointed out, active listening often becomes a performance—a set of techniques that show we’re listening rather than ensure we are.
“Radical listening,” he explained, “is a motivated act. It’s guided by intention. You’re not just listening to comprehend. You might be listening to validate, to learn, or to problem solve. Each of those intentions shifts what you pay attention to.”
This makes radical listening feel different. It’s about presence, purpose, and a mindset of curiosity.
Barriers to Listening (And How to Overcome Them)
In today’s workplace, distractions are everywhere. Emails. Notifications. Competing priorities. But Christian and Robert argue that it’s not just about turning off your phone. It’s about internal quieting.
Here are a few common listening barriers they describe:
- Time poverty – When your mind is racing with deadlines, it’s tough to give someone your full attention. Acknowledge your limits and schedule meaningful time if needed.
- Competing – When someone shares a struggle, it’s tempting to jump in with your own (“You’ve got 100 emails? I have 200!”). But that pulls the spotlight away from connection.
- Mind reading – We assume we know what someone’s going to say and stop listening. Awareness is key: label your tendency and prepare to slow down.
Christian emphasized, “Every conversation is an opportunity for connection. Noticing what the other person really needs—and matching our response to that—is where transformation happens.”
The Radical Listening Framework
Developed during a writing retreat (and hand-sketched in its first draft), the Radical Listening Framework puts positive intention at its core. Around that intention are six practical skills—split into internal (like quieting and noticing) and external (like inquiring and acknowledging) components.
Christian walked me through the model: “Start with an intention—what do you want to achieve from the conversation? Then use the external skills to demonstrate presence, and the internal skills to stay grounded and focused.”
He added, “Most of us already can listen. Radical listening is about doing it intentionally.”
Be a Sponge—But Not a Saturated One
Robert described listeners as sponges: “You only have so much absorbency. If you’re preoccupied—thinking about weekend plans or watching what’s happening outside—you’re crowding out your ability to hear what matters.”
This metaphor helped me understand how listening is an act of selective attention. Especially in fast-paced work environments, we miss critical signals not because we’re incapable, but because we’re overstimulated.
Influence Through Listening
One of the book’s most compelling ideas is that influence doesn’t always come from speaking—it can come from listening well.
“When people feel heard, they feel valued,” Robert said. “That builds trust, which lays the groundwork for influence.”
Christian added, “Let’s say your colleague says they’re thinking of applying for a new role. You can say, ‘What? You’re going to apply for that job?’ with genuine excitement—and that energy builds their confidence. Listening can influence motivation and direction without giving direct advice.”
Questions That Spark Connection
To deepen conversations, try asking more open-ended questions. A few that Christian and Robert recommend:
- “What do you think?”
- “Of everything we’ve discussed, what stands out to you?”
- “What are we going to do with that?”
- “Tell me more.”
Christian emphasized that short, thoughtful questions offer someone the floor, and often, that’s all they need to feel heard.
Bringing Radical Listening to Your Culture
We closed the episode by talking about what organizations can do to cultivate a listening culture. Here are two actionable strategies:
- Notice when you’re being listened to.
Robert recommended, “Pay attention to the moments when you feel truly listened to. What did the person do? How did it make you feel? That self-awareness makes it easier to turn around and offer that same presence to others.” - Practice appreciation-based listening.
Christian encouraged leaders to “enter a conversation with the sole purpose of noticing and appreciating someone—not to solve, fix, or analyze. Try it at work, or at home. It builds connection in both places.”
He added, “When someone is listened to radically, they feel seen, valued, and heard. And when the connection is real, dialogue—and progress—follows.”
Want to Learn More?
Grab a copy of Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection by Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Robert Biswas-Diener. You can find Christian’s work at coachonamotorcycle.com and Robert’s at intentionalhappiness.com.
Brandon Laws is a workplace culture and leadership enthusiast, host of the Transform Your Workplace podcast, and VP of Marketing and Product at Xenium HR.