Is “no” a taboo word in your workplace? Learn how to transform your work environment, relationships, and productivity with best practices for fostering honest communication. In this episode of Transform Your Workplace, host Brandon Laws sits down with Erica Scott, author of Creating a Consent Culture, to get a fresh perspective on healthy communication at work.
GUEST AT A GLANCE
Erica Scott is the co-author of Creating a Consent Culture and the creator of “The Consent Culture Intro Workshop.” She is passionate about helping teachers, students, leaders, and teams set boundaries, communicate, and understand one another in healthy ways.
A QUICK GLIMPSE INTO OUR PODCAST
🔊 Podcast: Transform Your Workplace, sponsored by Xenium HR
🎙️ Host: Brandon Laws
📋 In his own words: “The Transform Your Workplace podcast is your go-to source for the latest workplace trends, big ideas, and time-tested methods straight from the mouths of industry experts and respected thought-leaders.”
PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY IN THE WORKPLACE
According to guest Erica Scott, it’s nothing short of “magical when people actually feel comfortable to ask for what they want clearly, and that they will be received well, and they can say ‘no,’ and that will be honored.” This “consent culture,” as Erica calls it, may seem like a tall order in the workplace, but this feeling of safety and freedom, and the playfulness that comes along with it, is not only possible but critical to a healthy culture at work.
In her recently published book, Creating a Consent Culture, Erica and her co-author Marcia Baczynski explore best practices for fostering a culture of psychological safety in education, but these concepts are applicable in business as well, as healthy and open communication are crucial for building relationships and progressing toward team goals.
PODCAST EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
The Barriers to Communication
“It can happen so easily, and often, it can be because of miscommunication, or miseducation, or even just different education. Even when we come from the same culture and speak the same language, we can mean different things. When we use the same words, we can have different ideas about how interactions go. We can have different levels of entitlement or permission. So for some people, it might be a lot easier to ask for what they want than others. And for some people, it might be a lot easier to say ‘no’ than it is for others, and there are a lot of factors that play into that.”
Learning and Socialization
“I wrote in the book about a study that was done many years ago in England where they had a bunch of five-year-olds, and they separated the boys and girls. And they had a nice lady make them lemonade, but she put a bunch of salt in the lemonade. The boys would taste the lemonade and say, ‘Eh, this is awful! I don’t want to drink this.’ The girls would take little sips and say, ‘Oh, that’s good. Thank you.’ And that’s socialization, right? So you can see where that leads to issues throughout life if one set of people is learning that the most important thing is to make others happy, not create a fuss, not cause conflict, and another set is being taught to go for what they want.”
Saying “No”
“It’s a human issue to have a hard time saying ‘no.’ We don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. We don’t want to let people down. We don’t want to cause conflict. Most of us have a hard time saying ‘no.’ And similarly, most of us have a hard time asking for what we want. We don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable. Maybe we don’t want to be that guy. We feel that maybe we should just ask for what we think we can get rather than what we actually want.”
Defining Terms
“Consent is about so much more than sex. Consent is involved in every interaction between ourselves and others all the time. […] We have these consent skills that we all need to learn, and when we can get better at those skills, we can get better at creating an environment where we’re more likely to have interactions that are mutually agreeable for everyone involved. That doesn’t mean everyone’s always going to be happy, but if everyone gets a chance to ask for what they want, and everyone gets a chance to say yes and no, then we can collaborate from there to create an interaction that’s as mutually agreeable as possible.”
Hearing “No”
“Most of us could get better at hearing ‘no.’ We want people to hear ‘no’ from someone else’s information about what they want and don’t want and not as rejection of ourselves or judgment on ourselves. And what we actually teach people to do is to say ‘thank you’ when someone says ‘no’ to them. And I encourage all your listeners to try this later today or sometime soon when someone says ‘no’ to you […]: ‘Hey, thanks for letting me know what you don’t want. I care about what you do and don’t want, and I’m glad you were able to tell me.’ Or, ‘Hey, thanks for letting me know what your boundaries are. That’s information that I want to know.’ Find a way that feels comfortable for you, and then thank someone for saying ‘no’ to you, and watch what happens.”
Positive Changes
“People say it’s changed their lives. Teachers say, ‘When you first did the workshop, the kids seemed a little awkward with saying ‘thank you’ or being more clear about asking for what they want, but now, a few weeks later, I can see it becoming second nature for them.’ I do find younger people are more on the ball intellectually about consent. Like they seem to know a bit more about it than older people, but at the same time, they still need to practice learning these skills in an embodied way. […] And that’s how I feel that we can really integrate these skills so that they’re accessible later when you’re in a more high stake situation.”
LEARN MORE
Interested in diving into Erica’s book, Creating a Consent Culture, or participating in one of her workshops? Head over to her website to find out more.