In this episode of Transform Your Workplace, Maria Ross dives into The Empathy Dilemma, revealing how leaders can lead with both heart and strategy. She breaks down common misconceptions, explores the business case for empathy, and offers actionable tips for fostering a resilient, engaged workforce. Don’t miss this conversation on using empathy to drive real results!
GUEST AT A GLANCE
Maria Ross is the founder of Red Slice, where she helps organizations drive business growth through empathy, fostering strong leaders, thriving cultures, and impactful brands. As a dynamic speaker, author of The Empathy Edge and The Empathy Dilemma, and host of The Empathy Edge podcast, she shares insights on compassionate leadership, engagement, and innovation.
A QUICK GLIMPSE INTO OUR PODCAST
🔊 Podcast: Transform Your Workplace, Sponsored by Xenium HR
🎙️ Host: Brandon Laws
📋 In his own words: “The Transform Your Workplace podcast is your go-to source for the latest workplace trends, big ideas, and time-tested methods straight from the mouths of industry experts and respected thought-leaders.”
DEFINING TERMS
Empathy is a word that gets thrown around a lot, and its meaning can vary depending on who you ask. In The Empathy Dilemma, Maria Ross defines it as “being willing and able to see, understand, and, where appropriate, feel another person’s perspective — and to use that information to act compassionately.”
Through years of research, including work on her previous book, The Empathy Edge, Maria found that experts all had slightly different definitions of empathy and that its meaning has evolved over time. She wanted to clarify its role in the workplace, where “there’s this false belief that empathy at work means I’m nice or that I’m gonna be crying on the floor with my employees.” In reality, empathy is a practical skill that shows up in many operational and tactical ways — often in ways people don’t immediately recognize as empathy.
Maria also makes an important distinction between empathy and compassion. “Compassion is actually empathy in action.” At its core, empathy is about gathering information to understand another person’s perspective. And that’s where compassion comes in: taking the next right step in response. Understanding this distinction helps leaders move beyond vague ideas of “being nice” and instead use empathy as a strategic tool for connection, decision-making, and problem-solving.
PODCAST EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
Busting Common Myths
“Empathy is not just being nice. Sometimes we hear, ‘We have an empathetic culture here. Everyone’s nice.’ But nice doesn’t mean you see my point of view. And to be really honest, when we’re being nice, we’re being nice through the lens of our own experience. […] That has nothing to do with your perspective. It doesn’t mean I see your perspective and understand what you’re going through. I’m centering myself in being nice, which — I don’t want to deter people from being nice — but it’s not the same thing. […] We can’t just hire a bunch of really nice people to create an empathetic culture. It’s also not caving into unreasonable demands, which is another reason a lot of leaders hold back and think that empathy has no place in the workplace. You can absolutely balance tough business decisions and do it with empathy.”
Gaining Understanding
“Empathy is about connection, not conversion. So it’s really about, ‘Okay, I still don’t agree with you, Brandon, but now I have a better understanding of why you think the way you do.’ And you can think of all kinds of other realms in our lives other than the workplace where that could be really useful.”
Hijacking Empathy
“I think it’s about what they say, but it’s also about what they do. If they are asking you questions — if they are saying, ‘Wow, that sounds really tough, Brandon. Tell me more about that. How did you feel about that? What did you think when that person said that?’ — then you know they’re trying to understand your context. They’re trying to center you in the narrative. If they immediately jump to problem-solving or advice-giving — or what I call empathy hijacking — which is, ‘Brandon, I know exactly how you feel, because one time this happened to me, and here’s everything I did, and here’s what I know, and blah, blah, blah’ — now it’s not about you anymore, right? It’s about me. I’m trying to connect. Actually, the intention behind empathy hijacking is pure — I’m trying to connect with you and make you feel less alone, but that might not be what you need in that moment.”
The Platinum Rule
“I think, especially when you have a natural inclination to care about other people — and I do this — your instinct is to take away their pain by giving them solutions on how to solve it. Right? ‘Well, did you do this? Did you talk to that person? You should write them an email’… and blah, blah, blah. That might not be what they want in that moment. We always need to remember that. We always talk about the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you. But empathy is the Platinum Rule — and this is not credited to me; it comes from elsewhere — but it’s about doing unto others as they would have done unto them. It’s really about trying to understand their perspective.”
Multi-Generational Empathy
We have five generations working in the same workplace in today’s world, and it’s rife with misunderstanding and misperception. Going beyond the stereotypes, it’s really about understanding that there is no right or wrong — there’s just different, right?
The way a Traditionalist or a Boomer looks at the world of work, workplace culture, the definition of professionalism, good communication, or access to information is very different from other generations in the workplace. What we default to is an adversarial mindset — ‘You’re doing it wrong.’ […] Instead, if we would embrace empathy, we could leverage that as an opportunity for connection.”
Impact on the Bottom Line
“They did a study — I think it was from Catalyst — where they divided people into two groups: those who said they had an empathetic leader and those who said their leader was not empathetic. Then they asked both groups the same questions. The delta, for example, in feeling able to be innovative at work, was striking. Among those with an empathetic leader, 61% said they could be innovative. Among those without one, only 13% did. That’s bottom-line productivity. That’s money to your company. That is revenue. That is engagement. That is longevity. That is loyalty. That is all of the things that actually impact your chances of success and hitting your goals.”
Modeling Empathy
“The first thing is making sure that you’re modeling it, rewarding it, and celebrating it. You have to put your money where your mouth is, right? If you’re going to say empathy is a value or that you want to create a more empathetic culture, what are you actually doing to show people that that’s how they can find success there? That’s number one. If you’re a leader and you’re acting with empathy, you’re setting the tone for how you want your team to interact without saying a word.”
Where to Start
“I would encourage them to help their leaders understand that empathy is a strength, not a weakness. You have to be very strong to take on someone else’s perspective without defensiveness or fear. If they can help train their leaders or talk about empathy in a way that is accessible to them, it makes a difference. Leaders come in all different flavors, right? We’ve got the analytical, left-brain folks. We’ve got the creative, emotional, right-brain folks. We’ve got everyone in between.”
LEARN MORE
To explore more about Maria Ross’s insights on empathy in leadership and workplace culture, visit TheEmpathyDilemma.com. There, readers can learn about her book, The Empathy Dilemma, and even download a free chapter to preview before purchasing. For additional business resources, head over to Maria’s website, Red-Slice.com.