Let’s face it—navigating relationships at work can feel like playing a high-stakes game without a rulebook. And for many professionals, especially those trying to work effectively with managers or other power holders, it’s often confusing, frustrating, and even disempowering.
That’s why I was thrilled to sit down with Melody Wilding, executive coach and author of the standout book, Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge. Melody’s work not only hits a nerve, but it also offers a way forward. With a five-star rating on Amazon and a growing community of readers who say “this book changed how I work,” her message is resonating.
“Like most authors, I wrote this book because I lived it,” Melody told me. “I’m a recovering lifelong people pleaser. I burned out trying to push through the discomfort of speaking up to people in power. But I realized most of us were never taught how to navigate these dynamics.”
Redefining What It Means to “Manage Up”
The phrase “managing up” might conjure images of sucking up or becoming your boss’s yes-person. But as Melody explained, that stereotype is outdated.
Her definition? “Managing up is about building and navigating relationships with people who have more positional power than you,” she said. “And that goes far beyond your boss. It includes key stakeholders, clients, even board members.”
In today’s matrixed organizations, your success hinges not just on your performance, but on how well you can communicate across hierarchies and personalities.
The Alignment Conversation: Are You Rowing in the Same Direction?
One of the most powerful takeaways from our conversation was the concept of the alignment conversation. Melody shared a story of being laid off—an experience that, in hindsight, came down to a lack of alignment.
“I was working on something I thought mattered,” she said, “but it wasn’t tied to the broader organizational priorities. I should have asked: What metrics are you discussing with your leadership? What are the unspoken priorities?”
She encourages employees to initiate alignment conversations regularly, offering tactical prompts like:
- “What does good performance look like in this role?”
- “What would make you feel confident about where we are in six months?”
- “Are we prioritizing more of X or Y right now?”
These aren’t confrontational questions. They’re collaborative ones, designed to clarify expectations before misunderstandings snowball.
Understanding Styles: It’s Not Just What You Say
Another standout section from Melody’s book—and our conversation—was on communication styles. Drawing from psychological research, she outlines four common workplace personas:
- Commanders – Direct, results-driven, low on sociability
- Cheerleaders – Visionary, energetic, high on both dominance and sociability
- Caretakers – Harmony-seeking, people-first, low dominance
- Controllers – Process-oriented, detailed, low on both sociability and dominance.
Most of our workplace friction, she argues, comes not from conflict but from misaligned styles.
“You don’t have to change who you are,” Melody explained. “But if you’re a caretaker talking to a commander, don’t lead with ‘the team’s really overwhelmed.’ Lead with how burnout is impacting results.”
It’s strategic communication, not manipulation. And it’s how you get your message heard.
Boundaries Without the Burnout (or Backlash)
Boundaries are the backbone of healthy work relationships, but many of us struggle to assert them.
“Most people default to yes, yes, yes—and end up resentful and burned out,” Melody said. “But there are tactful ways to push back, especially if your leverage or ‘pushback power’ is limited.”
Two of her go-to strategies:
- The Trade-Off Approach: “I understand X is important. In order to take on Y, how would you like me to adjust priorities?”
- The Conditional Yes: “Happy to take this on, and I hope we both recognize this is an exception. Let’s plan how we can avoid short timelines like this in the future.”
Boundaries aren’t about saying “no” all the time. They’re about saying “yes” to the right things.
Giving Feedback Upward: Yes, You Can Do That (Without Getting Fired)
Giving feedback to your manager can be intimidating. Melody’s advice? Ask for permission—micro-buy-in—before diving in. “You don’t have to say ‘can I give you feedback?’” she noted. “Just say, ‘Would now be a good time to talk about the last meeting?’”
Start by establishing a shared goal. “I want this project to succeed” is a great lead-in. From there, frame feedback around behavior—not personality—and offer a solution or request. It keeps the tone collaborative and forward-focused.
And if you’re still worried about retaliation? Document your work, build relationships beyond your boss, and be smart about who’s in the room when you raise concerns.
The Quitting Conversation: Leave With Grace, Not Grievances
Even the best relationships end—and how you leave a job can shape your future career in surprising ways. “More than 70% of professionals have landed a job through their network,” Melody said. “And that network often includes former bosses and colleagues.”
That’s why she emphasizes preparation: document your achievements, build a transition plan, and keep the tone about your growth—not your grievances.
And skip the exit feedback unless it’s part of a larger, constructive process. “The quitting conversation is not the time to tell your boss everything they did wrong,” she cautioned.
“Managing Up” Is for Everyone
Whether you’re an intern or in the C-suite, managing up matters. As Melody put it: “Even CEOs manage up—to their boards. And freelancers manage up to clients. No matter where you sit, you’re navigating power dynamics.”
In a world of hybrid work, shifting priorities, and increased employee agency, knowing how to manage up is no longer optional. It’s essential.
And here’s the kicker—Melody sees AI playing a surprising role in making us better at it.
“These are muscle-building conversations,” she told me. “You can use tools like ChatGPT to role-play scripts and build your confidence.”
I couldn’t agree more.
So, What Now?
Managing Up isn’t just a guidebook—it’s a toolkit for modern professionals who want to lead, communicate, and thrive at work. If you’ve ever struggled with how to speak up, set boundaries, or align with your boss, this book—and Melody’s framework—is for you.
You can grab the book or access bonuses and scripts at managingup.com, and connect with Melody on LinkedIn.
Want to future-proof your career? Start by managing up.
Brandon Laws is a workplace culture and leadership enthusiast, host of the Transform Your Workplace podcast, and VP of Marketing and Product at Xenium HR.