Positive workplace relationships give our work meaning. Through these connections, we make impact on those around us and on our organizations. But in order to foster these kinds of relationships, we must cultivate our own self-awareness and self-management skills.
When we’re having a good week or month or season, it’s easier to be intentional in our day-to-day interactions, to ensure our actions come from a place of respect for our peers. And when our good intentions are clear to those around us, we naturally earn trust and credibility, which creates stronger relationships.
But even the most socially and emotionally intelligent among us find it difficult to remain intentional when feeling stressed. When a situation or a coworker’s behavior agitates us in some way, our emotions can get the best of us. This is a natural part of being human, but it can easily cause disruptions in the workplace.
When emotions are high, the key to avoiding conflict is to respond, not react.
Reacting is letting your emotions rule you. It’s unleashing all the strong feelings you’re experiencing in the moment. People may perceive you as out of control, defensive, or aggressive. They might feel defensive in return and move against you or away from you. As a result, they’ll trust you less.
On the other hand, responding is being aware of how you’re feeling in the moment and choosing to respond in a calm, levelheaded manner. This doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings or bottling up your frustration. Instead, it involves discussing your needs and concerns in a way that isn’t controlled by your emotions and seeking to understand others’ needs and expectations as well. With a shared understanding of each other, you can then come to agreements on how to best work together. When you practice responding instead of reacting, people are more likely to trust you, and your level of influence goes up. People will move toward you and support you.
Practicing good self-management involves taking the time to create an action plan before you sense your emotions ramping up. To be more intentional with your behavior, ask yourself these questions and remember your answers when you start to feel stressed:
- What situations naturally trigger a strong emotional response from you?
- What are you thinking and feeling in these situations?
- What is your natural reaction? For example, do you vocalize your emotions and move to action, or do you shut down and withdraw?
- What tends to be the outcome of your gut-level reaction?
- What is an alternate response that may lead to a better outcome?
When you have a plan, you’re more likely to respond to frustrations in a way that is focused on your values and intentions—which for most of us includes having positive relationships and impacts within our organizations.