When I first met acclaimed author and motivational speaker Greg Bell, he asked me something that made me pause; it was something that nobody had ever asked me before. As a podcaster whose job is to ask and answer questions, this came as a shock. Bell’s question was, “What’s going well?”, and that question has significantly improved the way that I view my personal and my professional life.
I had the pleasure of talking with Bell during one of my podcasts. After the success of his first book, Water the Bamboo, Bell dedicated nearly five years to writing What’s Going Well?: The Question that Changes Everything. The book teaches readers how to change their attitudes and productivity with one simple question.
Bell got the idea for the book after seeing a friend in a coffee shop who looked sad. Instead of asking his friend, “What’s wrong?,” Bell asked, “What’s going well?” Bell’s friend responded with details about positive things in his life, and his mood drastically improved. Bell’s mood also improved because he got to know things about his friend that truly mattered, and he got to make a new connection based on optimism and hope rather than complaints and challenges. “If you ask lousy questions, you’re going to get lousy answers,” Bell says in his book.
Bell emphasizes the importance of asking ourselves what’s going well, and he suggests that we don’t just think about it; we also write about it.
Research shows that writing about the things we appreciate has an even greater impact than just thinking about them. Bell makes this easy with his What’s Going Well 90-day Journal. Bell encourages his readers to record moments of appreciation so that we notice and remember them more often.
It all comes down to habits. With teachers marking what’s wrong rather than right, and managers frequently asking for improvement rather than offering support, we’re conditioned to latch on to the problems rather than the positives. Just like quitting a bad habit like nail biting or smoking, we have to make a conscious effort to quit the habit of negative thinking and self-criticism. Over time, a new habit will form, and it will take less effort to kick the bad one.
To Bell, it’s the little things that matter the most. It’s easy to express appreciation with a bonus at the end of the quarter or kind words at a conference, but it takes practice to slow down and appreciate small moments that, over time, really add up. Bell encourages readers to savor moments and uses the analogy of eating vs. dining. It’s one thing to eat some pasta, and it’s another thing entirely to dine on some pasta. When we dine, we savor, and when we savor, we remember.
During our podcast, we discussed a part of the book about keeping up with the Joneses: “Since we really don’t know the Joneses or the struggles and challenges they face, attempting to mirror their lives is unhealthy and unrealistic.” This made me think about how quickly social media can shift positive thinking to negative thinking. When we are constantly striving for more, we are never satisfied. Bell reminded me and my listeners to think realistically and positively by focusing on what we can know for sure, which is all of the amazing things in our own lives. A master of analogies, Bell compared people to diamonds: “the way you tell a difference between a real diamond and a fake one is the real one has flaws. I think that a lot of people have flaws.”
Focusing on the positive is a powerful thing, but I’m also a realist who values the authenticity and vulnerability of speaking our truths, especially when things are challenging. I asked Bell about balance and discussed some of the lessons I’ve learned from another one of my favorite people, Brene Brown. Bell explained that thinking about what’s going well doesn’t mean avoiding what isn’t. It just means putting the positives first and letting the hope and optimism of a “What’s going well?” mindset inspire how we handle the challenges. “Rough seas make better sailors,” explained Bell. “Whenever I experience rough waters, that’s good…I’m about to learn.”
Had Bell not followed his own advice, his book would have never hit the shelves. When a thief broke into his car and stole his backpack, the crook also took Bell’s computer, all of his notes, and his entire manuscript. What the thief couldn’t steal, however, was Bell’s positive outlook. By looking first at what was going well, Bell shifted his thinking from giving up to, “I’ve done the writing before. I can do it again. I know where the research is. I can find those books again. It wasn’t all lost. They didn’t take my brain.”
Another part of Bell’s book that resonates with me is his stance on devices. Bell wisely advises, “Use devices but don’t be used by them.” I often avoid my devices because I don’t want to be exposed to the negativity that dominates online media and news. When I asked Bell how to find positivity on a device, he said, “When we were sold [our devices], we were told two things would happen: we would work less, and we would use less paper. Neither of those are true.” Bell suggests using devices in moderation and remembering why we have them in the first place, which is to help us inspire, accomplish, and share the things that are going well.
When it comes to the workplace, Bell’s question can significantly boost morale. “Work is one of the last places people are appreciated,” said Bell, and he explained that asking someone what’s going well requires trust. When we ask someone to share what’s going well, we ask them to trust us with specific details about their lives, so we need to be patient, and we need to show that person they can trust us to listen and to care. To get the best out of your employees and colleagues, ask questions that lead to valuable answers. Asking “What’s going well?” in a one-on-one or even department meetings will spark a work culture of positivity, trust, and gratitude.
Bell pointed out that we often wait for the obvious times to ask what’s going well, like appreciation days or performance reviews. Asking what’s going well should be a natural part of everyday workplace culture. “The idea of acknowledgment and appreciation doesn’t take a lot of time,” said Bell. “I think you can make that part of your weekly or daily routine to make sure you acknowledge people who are helping you out.” This reinforces what Bell says in his book, “Unexpressed appreciation is like wrapping a gift and not giving it.” Express appreciation in the moment, regardless of timing, and invite others to do the same.
Brandon Laws with Greg Bell following the interview for the Transform Your Workplace podcast
Bell’s message and attitude about his own life are inspiring and remind us to put positive thinking and positive questions first. “I think impact is really what I’m after in my life,” Bell said as we concluded our podcast. “I mean having real impact on real people, whether it’s on a personal level or a professional level, to help them have great lives.”
Get Greg Bell’s What’s Going Well?: The Question that Changes Everything and the 90-Day Companion Journal to start building personal and workplace habits of positive thinking and gratitude. You can learn more about Bell and book him to speak at your public or corporate event by visiting his website: www.GregBellSpeaks.com